Mind ‘The Gap’
You never learn how to handle that, the gap. I don’t mean the literal physical gap between the train and the station, I mean the gap in time and space that lingers between you and farewell. Either you’re in the carriage or you’re on the outside looking in, but neither party has it easy. There’s that terrible wait, worse than the journey to the station or the airport, worse than packing your bags, worse than closing the door. You can handle those, you know where and when the transition will come; it’s just ‘the gap’ that feels endless.
There’s no way to prepare yourself for it, there’s no way to make that separation easier, other than not thinking about it at all. Sometimes that’s all you can do, you know, just don’t think about it. Hide it away, erase it from your attention, easier said then done though.
The physical separation, that layer of glass, that sucks, but it’s part of it all. Well, judging by this you can probably tell that I have just passed ‘the gap’, fortunately it won’t be long until I’m home again. Christmas looms around the corner and the pressure is on to hit the deadlines. It can be terribly stressful, more so than one anticipates, hence my weekend off.
I needed a break, we all need to take some time to recharge now and again. Now I can deal with the end of term buzz, the hysteria that we all fear. I’m going to embrace it, welcome it in as a sign of closure. It’s ritualistic in its predictability, so all I need to do is remain obligatory to the process, co-operate with myself. I said to my family before I took the train back to Coventry “This isn’t goodbye, this is me sorting out unfinished business.”
There’ll come a time when we all must endure ‘the gap’, you sit there staring at the faces of loved ones, hopelessly trying to predict the moment they finally pass from sight. You’re too uncertain to savour the moment, so the moment simply lingers, waiting to be interrupted by a departure so sudden that it’s cruel. Just remember that you’ll see them again, there’s just a few things that need sorting out in the meantime.