To the chatterboxes, you know who you are…
Out of all that I temporarily despise in the world comes one offence that has risen to the height of my attention. It ranks first on my list of pet hates, above the ‘fidgets’, the tabletop drummers and phone fumblers. I am referring to the deplorable nattering that always seems to sit behind me in lectures, resonating a distracting blanket of obtuse small talk, as if to deliberately deny those who are actually interested in gaining something from our overpriced education.
These selfish and rather dimwitted individuals gain nothing from the course, and (without trying to sound like an elitist) render themselves nothing more than a third wheel to the rest of us. It is as if these people have paid upwards to nine grand simply to sabotage everyone else with their infuriating recitals of how ‘useless’ the lecture is and how their petty social lives are more important than what the professional at the front is telling us. It perplexes and vexes me how these delinquents can sit in total disregard and blither on for hours, only pausing to carry their sentiment across the twitter-sphere. They only stop talking to stare at their Facebook homepage before starting a different, albeit equally pointless chat about something else. This goes out to those people, and YOU know who you are…
“Would you be so kind as to refrain from your pressing conversation and offer the rest of us the decency of a degree?”
In other words, and I say this in a simplified but just as powerful lexicon:
STFU OR GTFO
I hate for things to come to this, but seriously how long do you want to talk about nothing for?
There is a reason we are here, and unfortunately it is NOT (I repeat, NOT) to hear your life story.
There is a special place in hell reserved and waiting to greet ‘mid-lecture natter’, and it’s just next to the fiery lake full of the cinema phone-conservationists and the people who think it is a good idea to wear a large sombrero at concerts.