Oh Honey Waffle, where art thou?
Whilst my painfully slow to export Vlog is sorting itself out and I review the week’s goings on I consider possibly the hardest news of the month. It’s not that I am well and truly in the deep end, wrestling the coursework season and the temptations of lent. No, my real suffering comes from the realisation that the wondrous Honey Waffle cereal is no longer available to me.
The last shop I know of that supplied the edible treasure recently made the fatal decision to stop shipping in the product, which has left me in total disarray.
Never has a loss so trivial yet astronomically tragic hit me in such a fashion, for I am an individual of few luxuries, or should I say an individual who is appeased by only that which could merit such a reaction, and therefore such a place in my heart. Even thinking about it now brings me a cold shudder of bereavement, and betrayal.
To understand the pain I feel without casting it aside as a melodramatic cry for attention, one must have first sampled the finer delights of such a cereal. For many this will be a character redefining moment, a sensual epiphany if you will. For the moment you take that first spoonful of gastronomical master-craftsmanship you will undoubtedly plunge into a crevasse of crushing realisation: That your life up to this point was without achievement, and without anything as exquisite or as hauntingly delicate as the bowl of unfiltered perfection that sits before you now, beckoning you to oblige with another mouthful.
This, my friends is truly harrowing and truly unforgettable. The rush of such an awakening is too much for some as they indulge in bowl after bowl, unaware of the self-destructive path they are starting. For once you embark on such a journey there is no hope of reprieve, no chance of returning to a state of self-control. Every encounter with the sovereign of breakfasts will drag you deeper into blissful decadence, sweet and numbing dependency. And once you have fallen into the darkest depths of despair the siren of divine flavours will abandon you, as it did to me. And then you will suffer a fate worse than any you could previously recall.
A beautiful savage, a destroyer and an opiate. Do not fall for the Honey Waffle as I did, for the loss at the end is not worth the grandeur at the start…